Muggle Studies Quotes
by emptyli'lfirefly
Summary: “Let us hope that we are all preceded in this world by a love story” – Don Snyder. Lily and James aren’t suited, Lily and James don’t work, but it is Lily and James that match: muggle quote by muggle quote.
1. William Shakespeare

**Muggle Studies Quotes**

_Author:_ emptyfirefly

_Summary:_ "Let us hope that we are all preceded in this world by a love story" – Don Snyder. Lily and James aren't suited, Lily and James don't work, but it is Lily and James that match: muggle quote by muggle quote.

_Rating:_ Really, the rating could be argued, but at the end of the day it's PG13 if you're comfortable with swearing and violence, M if you do. Figure it out yourself!

_Warnings:_ Well, there'll be violence of a sorts, swearing of a lots, fluffy love… meh, I'm not offended!

_Pairings:_ Well, Lily/James, Remus/OC, Sirius/OC, as far as I'm concerned Peter doesn't get a girlfriend… well maybe one… where was I?

_Disclaimer:_ Would I honestly be posting on a fanfiction website if I owned anything? How stupid do you think I am? Although… I'm beginning to suspect that Rowling stole the idea of Dobby from my description of a chipmunk, will that hold up in court?

_Okay, so this is my new story, I don't think it'll be very long, but here's to hoping. There'll be fluff, but the point in this story is that a) Lily's a wacky one, b) sometimes we can't find the words that we want without a bit of help, and c) Sirius and his girlfriend are absolutely NUTS!_

_Anyway, any helpful suggestions you have for this story will be greatly appreciated! Greatly. But no flamers, they make me homicidal and bitchy._

_

* * *

_

Chapter One. Will Shakespeare

"_Doubt that the stars are fire; doubt that the sun doth move; doubt truth to be a liar; but never doubt I love."_

I wanna tell him to shut up.

I wanna tell him to leave me alone.

I wanna tell him to take his wand and shove it so incredibly far up his ar… other end, that he has to wave his wand through his nostrils.

In the past I would've done just that mind you, but currently I'm attempting to just ignore the prat and pray that he leaves me be.

Hey, a girl can dream right?

I'm Lily Christine Evans, a muggle born, and one of the top students in my year at Hogwarts. Pretty sweet, huh?

There are only two students that do better than me in my year, and only one of them is in Ravenclaw. However, TimTam (or Timathii, yes she's a girl), is one of my best friends: so I don't mind her trouncing me. The other, unfortunately, is the boy sitting next to me at this stage in time, driving me around the wall.

Does he really even need an introduction? James bloody Potter: the bane of my existence, and the joy of everyone else's. No doubt all the attention he gets has gone to his head.

Yes, I do absolutely abhor him for more reasons than the fact that he's a prat, proud, and as close to perfect as the kids at this school can find… there's also the minor fact that he's asked me out five times a week for more than three years.

Three. Bloody. Years.

Now, at first it was funny; a running joke, but now it makes me wanna throw large objects at him. Very large ones.

Anyway, back to the situation in my Muggle Studies class. Before you say it; yes, I am aware that I am muggle born, but to work where I want to in the ministry you need a NEWT in it. Parentage is meant to mean nothing in the outside world; mind you, looking at all of this Voldemort bull, I'd have to disagree.

Where was I? Sorry, it's the beginning of the year, so I'm sort of on an overload that leads me to going completely off-topic. Anyway, we were reading all the quotes in our text books, something about the importance of classic sayings in muggle everyday life… right, sure, as long as THEY believe that!

My current quote that I was staring hard and long at was one that I actually knew anyway: _"Cherish yesterday, dream of tomorrow, live today."_ I was supposed to explain what it specifically meant to me. But how the bloody hell was I expected to do that with Potter talking to me constantly!

"Lilster," new nickname, urgh! "What do you think the quote means?"

Now, if this were anyone else this would be a relatively normal sentence, even conversational. But with Potter? No! He's whining, in my ear, someone please make him shut up!

"It means: shut up!" There, that would make him quiet for at least one minute, heck if I'm lucky maybe a few seconds longer.

Okay, screw it, I'll just do a bullshit answer: _"To me the quote means that you have to cherish your memories of yesterday, dream and plan about the great things you're going to do tomorrow, and do whatever the heck you wanna do, today."_

"Funny, I said that to me it means hope: hope that things will one day change for me and I'll finally be what and where I wanna be."

I stop and turn to stare at Potter: he had actually said a reasonable, intelligent thing in front of me… was the world ending? Unfortunately he was watching me intently before hand, so now we're just staring at each other. Uncomfortable, much?

"What, Evans? Shocked that I have depth?"

Stupid prat! Stupid arrogant prat!

"Well, yeah! It's not like you've showed any depth… well, except when I pushed you into the lake."

Ah, good times, he was so annoying that one day I just shoved him into the lake… good times indeed. Merlin, he's still smiling, apparently it was funny for him too.

"Lily, would you go out with me this Hogmeade?"

* * *

"This is stupid." 

Every single person in the common room turned and stared at me in fear. Granted, I had just yelled out that my homework was stupid and thrown my quill into the fire… but still!

Okay, and maybe the fact that I usually adore homework and think anyone who doesn't is an idiot, might add to the looks of shock I was receiving… but honestly! This really was some stupid homework!

"Something wrong?" My best friend, and only friend in my House, Carly tipped her eyes in my direction, a mild smile gracing her features.

I don't think anything in the world could shock Carly; it's like she always knows what's going to happen. Hmm, maybe she's a Seer...? Nah.

"This homework is stupid! Honestly, remind me why I chose to take Muggle Studies! I'm a bloody Muggle-born and I have never once used quotes to impact my daily life! Much less make decisions based upon them! Muggle Studies is bloody stupid!"

By now there was probably no one in the whole of Gryffindor who wasn't staring at me. Okay, probably should have sworn slightly quieter.

"Finally, Lilster, I thought you'd never admit it!"

Oh crap, I had to have my little outburst while Potter and his wanker-ish group of friends were in the room! Typical!

"Shut up and die, Potter!" Not especially intelligent, but one doesn't need that when dealing with that fool.

"Oh, Lilster you love me really!" Carly and I shared a glance at Potter's stupid statement, honestly and he wonders why I hate him.

"Potter, the day that I love _you_ will be a sad day indeed."

I begin to walk away, the crowd makes me uncomfortable, and I hate being in the centre of attention, especially if Potter is the source of it.

"Lily, will you ever go out with me?"

My shoulders slump: couldn't we have one conversation without that coming into it?

"No, can we please not have this conversation again?" My voice has a desperate weakness, and I hate it. I can't take this anymore; the constancy of his always being there, laughing at me, why can't he just leave me alone?

"Why not?"

I glance around at the crowd, sparing Potter a glance in the process, but he appears to be unaffected.

"Because… because you don't actually love me, let alone like me, this is just one of your things. I will NOT be a notch in a bedpost Potter!" It comes out in a burst, and even though I know it's the truth I feel guilty for phrasing it so harshly in front of the crowd of Gryffindor-ians. But come on, what'd he expect me to say?

I turn back around and quickly duck out of the portrait hole: the lake is practically calling my name. I can hear it now… _Lily, come to the lake. Lily, I am your father._

Wait, no, that's actually Vadar, oh well, the voice works.

Suddenly there's running footsteps as I continue onwards, and before I can even have another thought Potter's in front of me.

"Look Po–"

"Lily, please, just…" Potter runs his hand through his hair, searching for the words that weren't there. "Doubt that the stars are fire; doubt that the sun doth move; doubt truth to be a liar; but never doubt I love."

I stare at him, and he stares back.

And then he runs away.

Wow, talk about that Gryffindor courage. Not.

The lake is definitely calling my name.

* * *

**Next time on "Muggle Studies Quotes":**

"_You're dating who? Are you nuts? Tell me the truth; are you actually Snape in disguise, trying to freak me out?"_

"_Okay, I'll admit it, I'm addicted to coffee."_


	2. Proverb

**Muggle Studies Quotes2**

_Author:_ emptyfirefly

_Summary:_ "Let us hope that we are all preceded in this world by a love story" – Don Snyder. Lily and James aren't suited, Lily and James don't work, but it is Lily and James that match muggle quote by muggle quote.

_Rating:_ Really, the rating could be argued, but at the end of the day it's PG13 if you're comfortable with swearing and violence, M if you do. Figure it out yourself!

_Warnings:_ Well, there'll be violence of a sorts, swearing of a lots, fluffy love… meh, I'm not offended!

_Pairings:_ Well, Lily/James, Remus/OC, Sirius/OC, as far as I'm concerned Peter doesn't get a girlfriend… well maybe one… where was I?

_Disclaimer:_ Uhm… I… uhm… sorry, what was that Dobby? I didn't create you? What about Sirius Black? No? What about TimTam? No, not the food you elf, the character! I did? Oh thank the Lord, I was freaking out there!

_Ah, the next chapter in this beautiful saga, best of all; now I can get into the whole "introducing Lily's crazy friends" stage, which is always fun! Wish me luck, ya? Also, the quotes will pop-up randomly, said by any character at anytime, the only reason this story is called "Muggle Studies Quotes" is because I was in a mood! Nyah!  
_

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Chapter Two. Proverb

_God defend me from my friends; from my enemies I can defend myself._

Two days later, I'm sitting at the Ravenclaw table.

What? I know, the rest of Gryffindor is shocked too. Very shocked. But really, after what happened yesterday it's not that much of a shock. And how many times have I just said 'shock' exactly! Oh, only three, that's cool!

Okay, maybe I over-reacted, but like Hell am I going to sit at the same table as that PRAT!

Besides, both TimTam and Blaze are in Ravenclaw, so really I'm just choosing to sit with my friends… if only Carly had come along for the ride.

Stupid Potter.

Oh, I'm sorry, didn't I mention what happened? Well, get this: that little… twat's best friend, started dating MY BEST FRIEND!

I know, I was shocked too.

I could've sworn Carly had, you know, taste? But no, she is now Sirius Black's latest tongue-liaison.

Okay, that was a bit harsh, oh well, this is Black we're talking about here. He's started to advertise that he can guarantee that any girl that dates him will lose her virginity… I mean, hello? What is wrong with that weirdo!

Anyway, I probably would've dealt better if it weren't for the way Black informed me of the situation… go back to that time with me, yeah?

_**Flashback**_

_I'm sitting there, minding my own business when Carly (and the crappy Marauders) stroll over to me. It so happens that it this stage it was morning, and as such I was happily nursing my fifth cup of coffee._

"_Lils, could I talk to you for a second?" Carly just sat down next to me, pretending it was completely normal for the Malfunctions (a.k.a. Marauders) to be around._

"_No. Too busy. Drinking Holy Drink. Also, did you notice that the Malfunctions are standing beside you?"_

_Okay, now, this may not seem like an especially significant statement to you: but between Carly and me it was everything._

_Okay, a little something._

_You see, we have this agreement: never call the M's the M word that we liked to call them for two reasons… 1) They'd get pissed off and annoy us, 2) It's our special thing, 3) I like coffee. (Okay, scratch the last one, though it makes it no less true.)_

_So calling them that in front of Carly meant two things (two is a magical number, btw) 1) I was upset about something, 2) I had had too much coffee and was no longer in control of my mouth._

"_What did you just–"_

"_Shut up, Sirius." Carly cut off his statement faster than you can say 'Voldemort is here' (figure out the syllables and you'll find that it's possible!), in an attempt at damage control._

_Sadly, it sort of made it worse._

"_Wait, WHAT! What did you just call him?"_

"_Uhm… Sirius?"_

_Bingo. Carly had called Black by his first name. Black. Maybe their animosity wasn't quite as extreme as mine was with him, but they were certainly not on first name terms. This should have been a first clue, but alack, alack, I was too busy drinking coffee._

"_Look Lily, there's something really important–"_

_Carly's second attempt was cut off by Potter taking one of the full coffee mugs sitting at my place at the table. This action was paused by me pulling my wand out and placing it in the middle of Potter's forehead._

"_Put. That. Back."_

_My golden rule is that you can do anything, anything, and I won't pull a wand: except touch my coffee._

_Suddenly everyone in the Great Hall stopped and stared, why was it that everything I did seemed to draw crowds recently?_

_Pettigrew leaned hesitantly out from behind Remus. "James, I think you should listen to the crazy lady."_

_Potter laughed, clearly not taking in the serious-ness of the situation. "What're you talking about Wormtail? It's not as if she'd actually do it!"_

_It was at that moment that TimTam and Blaze decided to come over and stand either side of me in case I decided to do something harsh._

"_Seriously Potter she would, this is coffee we're talking about; she would kill for coffee… incidentally, how many cups have you had, Cyp?"_

_Yes, my nickname is Cyprium, as in the Latin word for copper. Yes, it is because of my copper-y-red hair. Yes, I have accepted it by now. We clear? Great!_

"_Five."_

"_Five? Bloody Hell! Why do you have wand between my eyes?"_

"_Because you're holding my sixth, Potter! Put it down and nobody gets hurt!"_

"_You're psycho!" Potter laughed, " That's the only answer! You are completely insane! No wonder you couldn't hold down Griffiths!"_

_Unsurprisingly I saw red, as did TimTam, Blaze and Carly (she needs a nickname, wait no, cause I'm currently not talking to her!)._

"_Why you little son of a bitch!" I was about to wave my wand when Remus caught hold of me, stopping the Circumcision Hex (yes it does exist, and yes I do know it, guys: cringe for me here) just in the nick of time._

_I glanced around me to see that that Peter was restraining TimTam, only just, Frank Longbottom was restraining Blaze, and Black was restraining Carly, whispering in her ear what appeared to be calming words._

"_Lily, let it go, this isn't you: this is the coffee talking."_

_I grinned at Remus, and relaxed, willing to let this one comment go rather than stage a fight with Remus in the Great Hall._

"_But don't you get it Rem? I am the coffee!"_

_The others let it go too, TimTam easily stepping away from Peter, and Blaze giving Frank a quick slap for copping a feel (only a small one, besides this is suave Frank we're talking about here: if he will, he will). Meanwhile Sirius still had his arms around Carly and was still talking to her, although she was clearly calm._

"_Hey, Black, take your hands off MY best friend!" I snapped, still sore in spite of everything._

"_No Evans, I think I'll keep my hands ON MY girlfriend!"_

_There was a pause as the entire Great Hall blinked (in unison, it was a beautiful thing), staring at Carly, who had gone deeply red, and me, who was steadily going red for a slightly different reason._

"_You're… what?"_

"_That's why I came over… to erhm… tell you?"_

_Now, Carly is no chicken, but she looked more than a little worried about what was going on here; having now carefully removed herself from Black's shudder embrace. Black seemed to find her action irrelevant though, and just put his hand on the small of her back._

_It was probably that familiar action that let the floodgates open. Only, with less tears… more with the yelling, with the anger, and the forgetting about coffee for a whole second._

"_WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING! You're dating him? Are you nuts? Tell me the truth; are you actually Snape in disguise trying to freak me out?"_

_There was an annoyed 'hey' from the Slytherin table, but most of us ignored it._

"_Cyp, it's not that bigger deal, you don't need it freak out! It's only Black!"_

"_Exactly! It's Black! Black who has made our school lives a misery from day one! How can you stand to be within touching distance of him, let alone have his arms around you!"_

"_Hey, now, I'm not that bad!" Black's exclamation for pity was silenced by a glare from Carly and myself._

"_Cyp, calm down, you're acting like this is the end of the world!"_

"_It is for me!" We'd matched each other, bellow for bellow, until that last statement: which managed to pause the entire Great Hall (again! For Merlin's sake!)._

"_Lily–" Carly's plead for intelligence, for fairness, was cut-short._

"_Without a doubt, Black is the person who has single-most managed to make my life meaningless. You know that. But now you're standing there, like this isn't the end of my world! Like my best friend dating this… monster, isn't the end of my world."_

_I shook my head and laughed without humour, my words no longer bellowed, but full of confusion and restrained anger. I put my coffee down, and began to walk out of the Great Hall, as I passed the pair I whispered the last thing I ever wanted to say to either of them: "God defend me from my friends; from my enemies I can defend myself."_

_I whirled around and sent the Stinging Hex at Potter, before storming out of the Hall; ignoring the cheers and McGonagall's outraged "Detention!"._

_My best friend had just committed the ultimate betrayal._

So, yeah, that's the story. Are you as pissed as I am?

I'd managed to avoid the pair for a whole day, with some petty nifty dodging on my part I might add, spending most of my time either with TimTam and Blaze, or with Tim Griffiths and his pals (yes, I prefer my ex, sign of how pissed off I am much?). Carly is doing similar, splitting her time between and TimTam and Blaze, and the Malfunctions. But, as I keep assuring myself, and those around me, I don't care what that betraying cow does as long as I have nothing to do with it.

I'm sitting here, carefully nursing my third cup of coffee; plotting the great capture of my fourth since TimTam is watching my coffee intake, when Potter suddenly slides onto the Ravenclaw bench next to me.

What the Hell?

I stare at him as he reaches out and takes one of the rolls and begins to butter it, appearing to be completely unaware of my shock.

"Are you lost?" My shock allows me to do nothing other than burst out this short sentence.

"Hmm?" Potter drags his eyes away from his roll to stare at me.

"I said: are you lost? You do realize the Gryffindoor table is over there… right?" I gesticulate to the table housing three shocked Marauders and an entire house worth of betrayed-looking fans.

"Funny, I was going to ask you the same thing." Potter shoots me a frustrating grin and I groan, choosing to use this moment to conveniently pull a fourth cup of coffee over to myself.

Unfortunately my keepers are more aware than they look (thank goodness for that!).

"Oi! Cyp, put that back!"

Okay, I admit it, I'm addicted to coffee. I slowly push the cup back, ignoring Potter's inane chuckling. Honestly, if there is a God I don't see why he put me with these people. It's not fair!

"So, Cyp, what's with the nickname?" Potter's done giggling like a school-girl and is back to being an annoying know-it-all.

I glare at him, carefully ignoring how close he is leaning towards me, oh and his fans that are looking about ready to lunge. "None of your business, Jamsie-Pie."

There is a pause as he decides whether or not to take the bait, but apparently he thinks he's matured since yesterday, because instead his expression turns quite serious.

"When are you going to start talking to Carly again?"

My expression matches his, "How about never? Or perhaps when she comes grovelling back admitting that she was wrong and should never have betrayed me in this fashion… it really depends on which comes first."

Potter stares at me for a moment longer before he turns back to his breakfast, "I heard what you said to them before you threw that hex at me: makes me wonder what the big deal is." He pauses and decides to just say what he's thinking; I really wish he wouldn't, "Have you got a crush on Sirius or something?"

Pfthtphtthhhhhhhhhhpfat

I attempt to clean up the spray of coffee that I have showered all the food and people sitting across from me with.

"Sorry, TimTam, sorry Blaze!" I toss them a couple of napkins and stand up; in all the confusion and screaming of people being covered with boiling hot liquid, this seems to be the perfect chance to get out of this conversation.

I make my quick-escape from the hall, ignoring the uproar I've left at both the Ravenclaw and Gryffindoor tables, Slytherin seem pretty non-plussed, and the Hufflepuff are trying to help who they can.

Just as I reach the doors Potter catches up with me and jumps in my way, completely blocking my path.

"Is that what it is then, Lily? You have a thing for Sirius?"

I roll my eyes at the stupid claim, but don't answer: answering would mean I would have to explain my position, and I really don't wanna do that.

"Let me through Potter, I'm not in the mood."

"Then just tell me EVANS; that way when your 'best friend' is crying because you won't talk to her at least I can tell her why!"

Okay, now I'm pissed: since when is Potter Protector Of All Things Carly?

"Sounds more like you're the one who has a crush on Carly to _me_! What? Couldn't get the girl so now you'll comfort her in her hour of need!"

Potter's hand itches towards his wand and mine does the same, but neither of us draws.

"Just tell me what the problem is Evans and I'll get out of your vapid, stupid, hair."

"Shut up Potter, this isn't your problem!"

"Just tell me then!"

"No! Leave me be!"

"What's this? Evans itching to be all on her lonesome once more?"

"Your insults suck!"

"I'm just looking out for my friend!"

"As am I! Black is bad news, and Carly knows that!"

"And what exactly do you have to base this bigoted opinion on? His family?"

"No! I'm not that stupid!"

"Then what?"

"It–"

"What?"

"He's a bad person, who does horrible things to innocent bystanders and expects others to laugh at the results! He…"

_Help me! Please, somebody help!_

_Darkness… cold… drips… nothingness…_

I pause and shudder, my voice losing some control. "He hurts good people, and Carly is a good person, so I don't want her being his next 'Prank Victim"."

Potter looks shocked at the strength of my opinion, but nods his head; he's found out what he wants to. Without another word or look he quietly walks back over to his friends and I go to the library.

Why does it feel like I've exposed my deepest darkest secret?

_Ah, so, the plot thickens! I think I should make some sidenotes though…_

_1) No, Sirius is not evil; I love Sirius, funny or serious (da dum ch). So, no SIRIUS IS NOT EVIL! He just did something very stupid, and Lily is unforgiving._

_2) Lily the coffee addict. Now, you may think this is somewhat unrealistic: a 16-year-old witch being addicted to coffee to that extent. Well, the thing is I do know people who crave coffee in the mornings, and are really quite weird after their third. Okay, maybe they won't necessarily pull a wand on someone and attempt to castrate them, but boy do they come close!_

_Next time one Muggle Study Quotes:_

"_What are you talking about? The heir of what?"_

"_I'm sorry, but I suppose it's too late now."_


	3. Jean de la Fontaine

Muggle Studies Quotes3

_Author:_ emptyfirefly

_Summary:_ "Let us hope that we are all preceded in this world by a love story" – Don Snyder. Lily and James aren't suited, Lily and James don't work, but it is Lily and James that match, muggle quote by muggle quote.

_Rating:_ Really, the rating could be argued, but at the end of the day it's PG13 if you're comfortable with swearing and violence, M if you're not. Figure it out yourself!

_Warnings:_ Well, there'll be violence of a sorts, swearing of a lots, fluffy love… meh, I'm not offended!

_Pairings:_ Well, Lily/James, Remus/OC, Sirius/OC, as far as I'm concerned Peter doesn't get a girlfriend… well maybe one… where was I?

_Disclaimer:_ You know, it's funny. I was talking to J.K. about my stories and not dong a disclaimer, and you know what? We go along like a house on fire… until… the house caught on fire. Oh, and I asked for money, apparently a bad move or something! But hey, whatever! The point is that I don't own, and I know I never will! Sigh.

_Ah so, Mr Bond, we meet again! I hope you have been enjoying the story so far, and I would like to add that I have finally figured out the entire plot! Woohoo! Plot! Anyway, so here I go… here I go._

Chapter Three. Jean de la Fontaine

_It is impossible to please all the world and also one's father._

I wish I could say that Carly and I have patched up our fight. Alas, it is not so. It's been a week and we're still not talking. I think the problem is that I don't wanna talk to her when Black's around, and Black's always around, and she doesn't wanna talk to me until I give some form of explanation.

So, yeah, that friendship isn't going too well.

It's funny, but having spent more time with Griffiths, I remember again why we dated, what I can't remember is why we stopped. I mean, I broke it off, I remember that, but I don't seem to recall what it was that annoyed me so much. That can't be saying much for my memory, but it does seem to be saying a lot for Griffiths if I can get along with an ex.

TimTam leans over to me, ignoring the raucous conversation occurring around us in the Ravenclaw common room. "Cyp, do you wanna go to the library, I've got some stuff to look up."

I glance at her with surprise, but then a genuine smile of happiness grows. TimTam and I aren't as close as we used to be, seven years can do that to a friendship, and even now as I hang out with her it feels like something's missing; so the chance for just the two of us being around each other is excellent.

"I'm in! Guys, we're off to the library." The group gives us a simultaneous nod, it's mildly disturbing, and we take a quick route into the library.

It's odd, but I think one of the best things about Hogwarts is that the people that lived there designed it. So, for instance, the library is close to the Ravenclaw common room. We walk in quietly, ignoring Pince as she throws out a couple of fourth year Hufflepuffs.

"Cyp?" TimTam glances up at me, pausing in her Divination homework, which is a stupid subject anyway, if you ask me.

"Yeah?"

"Have… have you ever had something that you wanted to tell someone. Something so serious, so life-changing-ly important, that you don't even know how to say it?"

I look up at her; she's got tears in her eyes, what's going on here? TimTam doesn't do emotional stuff: Hell, she's practically allergic to Kodak moments.

"No, I can't say I have."

She blinks and suddenly I wonder if that moment even happened; it's like she's managed to erase it.

"Me neither! Oh well, I guess I'll have to ask Blaze about it!"

Except I do remember, I know something's up that she's not telling me.

"Tim? What–"

"Lily! Just the person I wanted to see!"

Just my luck. I've just stumbled onto a potentially life-changing issue of TimTam's, and Black turns up!

"Get the Hell out of here Black, right now, I am not in the mood for your bullshit."

Black sighs and sits in the chair next to me. Noooooooooo, why me!

"I would Lils, really I would; unfortunately I have a girlfriend who is nightly bursting into tears because her best friend won't talk to her. And so, I can't 'go to Hell' until this mess is sorted out!"

Wow, was that an almost genuine statement from the Asshole? I would fall off my chair in shock, except then I would have to pick myself up again, and I am really lazy.

"Okay, here's the problem: she's dating you! Wow! I am so glad we had this little chat!"

Okay, maybe sarcasm isn't one of my strong suits, but… well… whatever!

Black's face darkens, as if he actually cares. Pfft, liar.

"Oh don't give me that look; you know you'll break up with her in a week anyway!"

"Listen to me for Merlin's sake!" Black has snapped, so I do him the service of actually putting my quill down. "I am not going to break up with Carly! I like her more than I have ever liked anyone! So please stop treating me like a 5 year old, and work through this!"

Wow, two paragraphs of genuine-ness-inosity in one conversation! I'd feel privileged, if he would remember.

I start to tell him to just go and jack off, but then I pause. Why not tell him? Why not overload him with guilt, while giving a valid explanation for him never coming near me again! Sounds like a plan.

"Okay, Black, let's go back–"

"Hey! That rhymes!"

"Shut up TimTam. Anyway, let's go back to fourth year…"

_One night a pretty, naïve, and incredibly nice girl called Lily Evans is walking around the lake at her boarding school. She doesn't have any enemies, and although she sometimes finds the Marauders' actions a bit uncalled for, has no major issue with them._

"Cough, cough, sorry, but which fourth year are you looking at?"

"This was at the beginning of it, so shut the Hell up Black-boy, or I won't tell you a thing!"

"Sorry."

_Anyway, before this lovely and sweet storyteller was so rudely interrupted… Sweet, Lily Evans was walking around the lake, enjoying a lovely… well, okay, a wee bit cold, stroll when suddenly she heard some noises._

_In fact it was some yelling between three of the Marauders, and three Slytherins._

_Now, being such a good person, and not wanting anyone to get into trouble, Lily immediately went over to see if she could smooth over the conflict._

"_Hello there, is everything okay?" she asked, smiling sweetly._

"_No, now get the fuck away you despicable mudblood!" Sirius Black yelled back, spittle flying on, and eventually drowning, Peter Pettigrew._

"_I am terrible sorry that you feel that way Sirius–"_

"_It's Supreme Overlord to the likes of you! You disgust me." Sirius Black continued, turning his wand menacingly to the poor, innocent, hapless, and Gryffindoor–_

"Oh for Merlin's sake!" Black leaps out of his chair in disgust. "This is ridiculous, I don't even remember the incident and I know this is absolute bullshit!"

TimTam grins, "You know, calling Lily a mudblood was completely uncalled for."

"I did not!"

"Did not what?" I chime in, noticing the large crowd we're gaining.

"I did not say, Lily 'pain in my arse' Evans, is a _mudblood_!"

Suddenly the crowd is infinitely bigger and the words seem to echo through the library.

I look around to see Blaze shouldering her way through the crowd, fury encompassing her features.

"What the Hell did you call Lily, Black?"

I start shaking in laughter, which Blaze appears to take as hysterical crying, as Black goes steadily redder.

"I didn't call her anything! We were trying to sort out why she hates me so much, and then she started making up some crap about me calling Lily a Mudblood!"

"What the Hell did you just Lily?"

Finally, TimTam and I can't take it anymore and we fall to the floor, rolling around, as we break out into hysterical laughter. Blaze, and Griffiths who was the last defender of my muggle born rights, stare at us in shock, clearly not comprehending what is so funny about this situation. Black just looks more pissed.

TimTam and I calm down, but choose not to get up off the floor; after all, this is the last year we'll get a chance to roll on the library floor.

"Uhm… are you guys getting up any time soon?" Griffiths, looking cute _and_ concerned, offers me a hand up.

"No thanks, I'm good."

He passes the hand, well you know what I mean, to TimTam, but she completely ignores him. For some reason, none of my friends ever actually liked Griffiths.

"Now, Black, what the Hell were you thinking calling Lily…" Blaze swallows the original word and just gives a head nod.

"A mudblood?" A Slytherin from the crowd supplies the missing word, and is promptly beaten to a pulp by a nearby muggle born. Well, according to me anyway, and this is my point of view, so back off!

Black groans in frustration as the rest of the Malfunctions arrive, along with Carly, none of them managing to see me and TimTam on the ground.

"What's going on?" Carly's hands slip around Black's waist and I shudder slightly to myself. TimTam pats me lightly on the head, completely ignoring my anger. Typical!

"Well, you're beloved boyfriend here called Lily a mudblood, and we just wanna know why!"

I swear, I dunno what is funnier: Carly's recoil of shock, Potter's flash of absolute horror, Peter's sudden look of hunger (for cheese, btw), or Remus' jump as he looks down to see me staring up at them.

Cause, all of the above are occurring, and I swear I'm about to start laughing again.

"LILY! Tell them the truth, and then tell me the truth!" Black snaps, clearly the whole situation is doing nothing for his nerves.

The group stares at me again, lying on the floor, and I feel very small. I think it's the use of the word 'truth', sorta breaking, you know? Like suggesting I was lying to everyone.

I sit up and cross my legs; the floor really is quite comfortable. "Okay, I give, he didn't call me a mudblood: he just said the mudblood in a context that sounded like he was calling me mudblood."

Blaze blinks, "So, you're not crying hysterically because Black called you a mudblood, therefore making you feel belittled and ashamed of your muggleborn, a.k.a. mudblood, ancestry?"

"Nope, no tears about being a mudblood!"

"Oh for Merlin's sake!" Remus yells, throwing his arms in the air. "Would you people quit saying mudblood all the time?"

That sets me off again, along with TimTam and Blaze, we start grinning and the crowd decides to disperse as we're rolling around, grabbing at each other in an attempt for some solidity. If I bother to look up, I know that the Malfunctions will be laughing too, but I'm too busy with my own.

Finally we calm down again, and decide to stand up, although TimTam just pulls up a chair and continues the book she had dropped in the laughter.

"Now, can you please explain what this is all about?" Remus seems to be the most eager to sort the whole mess out, so he takes the lead.

"It's very simple Remmy: I was sitting here with TimTam, when Black the Wanker showed up–"

"Hey!" Black interrupts my simple explanation. "I just wanted to find out what the problem is between you and Carly, so that everything would be as happy as a monkey again!"

I shake my head angrily, "Then why didn't you bother your precious girlfriend, instead _my_ life difficult!"

Suddenly, because as teenagers everything is sudden, we're chest-to-chest, although considering my lacking height it was head-to-thin-air in his case.

"Oh, cause everything has to be exactly perfect in your perfect little life!"

"If everything was perfect, I wouldn't be afraid of the Big Lake, now would I?"

Black snorts with disgust, "Oh, poor Evans, suffering so much because she's scared of the water! What: did you trip in a pond one day and get your perfect little dress dirty?"

"Actually, no! Way back in fourth year, some jackass did a Bubble Head Charm, tied me to the bottom of the Big Lake, and left me in pitch darkness for SIX HOURS!"

I break down.

It is as simple and complicated as that.

I composedly walk over to the chair next to TimTam, put my head in my hands, and the tears come. The difficultly suppressed memories come rushing back, overwhelming me, terrifying me, and suddenly… I'm in the lake again.

_I look around for a familiar landmark, a moving shape, but there's nothing. There's just stillness, horrible, soul-destroying silence… and drips. _

_Are really those drips? I glance around frantically, is the Bubble Head Charm failing? I don't have my wand! What if it suddenly disappears?_

_Do they know I'm missing? Are they missing me? Oh Merlin, get me out, just get me out, I'll never do the wrong thing again: just get me out._

_Oh shit, what was that? Something brushes my foot, something invisible in the darkness._

_Help me! Please, somebody help!_

_But there's no one._

_Just darkness… cold… drips… nothingness._

_I'm gonna die. This is it: I'm gonna die, and I'm never gonna see my mom again. Never gonna see my dad again. Never gonna make up with Petunia. I'm never… I don't want to die. I'm never… Oh God, oh Merlin… how long have I–_

Just as suddenly as I go back down into the lake, I'm dragged back out. The scene around me is sombre, and for the first time in a long time, I feel loved. Sounds pansyish, and very stupid, but I do.

TimTam and Blaze are talking to Carly, I can't hear them because it's like I've temporarily gone deaf, but clearly they're trying to come to an understanding. Remus and Peter are talking as well, I don't know what they could possibly be talking about, but they are, and they look worried. It's now that I suddenly realize that it's not my arms that are keeping me warm and calm… they're Black's.

Black is holding me to him, trying to talk to me, trying to bring me out of it. I pull back, and he jumps slightly, having not realized I was aware again.

My hearing starts to come back, but it's only really him I can hear talking.

"I'm sorry. Lily, I didn't remember, I don't think I even knew what it was I did. Please, you have to believe me, I never meant to hurt you; you're not my favourite person, but I respect you a Hell of a lot more than it seems. Please Lily, please…"

He seems to lose all the words he was trying to say; I think anything he tries to say to explain what happened would sound stupid. His voice has a desperate crack in it, and it scares him as much as it does me.

"Why did you do it, Sirius? Why would you do that to anyone?" I glance around and thankfully see that everyone else isn't paying attention.

"This'll sound stupid, I know, but… I lost control." Sirius sighs, a long shaking sigh, as if he's about to reveal everything. "The Slytherin's we were fighting… one of them was Regulus, my own brother, though I guess that shouldn't have been a shock. He was saying, horrible stuff, about how disappointed father was in me. How I was nothing. I heard someone sneaking up behind me, and I thought it was Malfoy: the hair was too bright to be anyone else. So I did a Bubble Head Charm and I levitated him into the lake. And then we all left, we assumed that they would fish him out, well; _I_ assumed… never stopped to think it was someone else."

I can't believe it, I mean, I can, but it's so unbelievable: a small case of mistaken identity, and now I'm damaged.

Major screw up or what?

"I'm sorry. But I suppose it's too late now."

I want to answer, but before I can I need to know just one more thing… "Why did Regulus saying you're a disappointment make you lose control?"

Okay, not as stupid as it sounds: it's a known fact that Sirius is a screw up in his dad's eyes, so why was it new news? Why in the world would Sirius the Control King, lose it?

Sirius carefully removes his arms from me, though I'd even forgotten they were there, and runs a hand through his hair, his brown eyes haunted. He smiles grimly to himself, then looks up at me: asking me to join in with the joke. "I know it sounds stupid, everyone in the school knows that I'm nothing like my parents want, but… you know what? I don't get it!"

He starts yelling and the others are looking our way, they look ready to rush over, but seem to change their minds.

"What don't you get?"

"I…" His foot jiggles, he's bursting to say this, but he doesn't want to let it out.

"What? 'I' what?"

"I… I TRY! I may not be their perfect little Slytherin heir, but I have the fourth best grades in our year, only behind people that I'm friends with!" I raise my eyebrows at the 'friend' comment, but don't interrupt. "I'm get along with ¾ of this school, date heaps of girls, the professors like me well enough… and you know what? My NEWTS are gonna be all O's or pretty close! Why isn't that good enough? Everyone else loves me for it? So why don't they? Why doesn't he?"

He doesn't break down, I guess because Sirius Black doesn't break down, but I can see that he's seriously, no pun intended, torn up about this. I want to say the right thing, something perfect, something that's never been said before, but only one thing manages to come to my head…

"A muggle called Jean de la Fontaine said something pretty smart one time," I say, not looking at him, not wanting to admit that I can't find my own words. "He said: 'It's impossible to please all the world and also one's father'."

I give him the 'if that's any consolation' shrug, and wait for the cold shoulder that's become my best friend these past years. But it doesn't come, he holds his hand over to me, and I shake it. I can never forgive him for doing what he did, but I can no longer bear a grudge either: I guess we'll just have to move past all of it.

There's a little cheer from TimTam as we finally stand up, and it looks like we're all gonna have a Kodak moment, when an excited Gryffindoor comes crashing into the library.

"Did you hear the news? Holy crap! It's so amazing!"

Blaze tries to pause him, but he's too worked up, "What news? What's amazing?"

The kid looks like he's gonna burst an artery but he keeps going anyway, "Griffiths! Tim Griffiths!" I can feel my ears perk up at the name, and I lean forward a bit.

"What about him?"

"_Tim Griffiths is the Heir_!"

Just as suddenly as he ran in, the boy dashes out of the library again.

I look to the others as Carly voices what's on all of our thoughts, "The Heir of what?"

I shrug and look towards Potter, he always seems to know this stuff, when a weird jolt hits me: he's gone.

Dammit! Now how am I gonna get him to believe that me and Sirius had a moment back there?

DAMMIT!

_Ah-so, the Heir of what you wonder? Voldemort? Dumbledore? Or something even more sinister? Anyway, I hope that the Sirius/Lily moment did itself justice, and didn't freak you out either. Don't worry, this isn't a Sirius/Lily fic, in any form, so just bear with me as this takes yet another dastardly turn! Bwahahahaha!_

_Question, and this would mean you would have to review but anyway… Do we want Remus to get a girl, cause I have it lined up, although you may be able to see it already, or do we not want that extra complication?_

_Review if you wanna… or don't… I don't really mind either way._


	4. Ani DiFranco

Muggle Studies Quotes4

_Author:_ emptyfirefly

_Summary:_ "Let us hope that we are all preceded in this world by a love story" – Don Snyder. Lily and James aren't suited, Lily and James don't work, but it is Lily and James that match, muggle quote by muggle quote.

_Rating:_ Really, the rating could be argued, but at the end of the day it's PG13 if you're comfortable with swearing and violence, M if you're not. Figure it out yourself!

_Warnings:_ Well, there'll be violence of a sorts, swearing of a lots and I mean seriously she starts swearing a lot more this chapter, fluffy love… meh, I'm not offended! Why are you?

_Pairings:_ Well, Lily/James, Sirius/OC, as far as I'm concerned Peter doesn't get a girlfriend… well maybe one… where was I?

_Disclaimer:_ I. Own. Nothing. Seriously, how desperate do you think I am…? That much? The shocked faces and lab coats, and edging forward is probably a bad sign… DAMN YOU J.K!!!!

_I know it's been a while, I've been slowly working to figure out what I want to happen next… it's difficult! And in reference to that question I posed last time… and the one reviewer who answered… coincidentally they are now my GOD!! I love you Freja Lercke-Falkenbord (luv the name btw)!! Anyway, so Remus isn't gonna get a girlfriend, so this isn't gonna be one of those three gryffs/three Marauder's fics! Also, you may notice that I changed what year the characters are in, they used to be in 6th, now they're 7th. I did this because I thought it over, and I needed the characters to be older than 16… so now that's changed!  
_

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Chapter Four. Ani DiFranco

_Love is a piano dropped from a four story building, you were at the wrong place at the wrong time._

The rumours spread faster than I anticipated. It's like everyone is just holding out for some juicy information about other people so that they can discuss other people cause their own lives are so boring or something!!!!

Okay, I'm a bit annoyed, as you can probably can tell.

Well, here's why: 1) everyone in school thinks me and Sirius are involved cause we're not worst enemies anymore, 2) Carly isn't speaking to me because of this new development… when in actual fact it's just cause we are lazy and can't solve out differences! So nyah! Oh, and 3) ever since the rumour started that Griffiths is the heir of SOMETHING, it's impossible to hang out with him.

People are stupid.

Oh, and I'm currently stuck in a study period with Sirius, Potter, Carly, and I'm-Head-Girl-But-Also-A-Dumb-Whoring-Bimbo… AKA Gabby.

That's right! Why the Hell aren't I Head Girl? I'm smarter, more interesting, less vapid. Oh and here's the clincher!!! I care about any duties I'm given more than sucking someone's face off.

Wow, I'm bitter and twisted right now aren't I?

"So, Lily, how do you feel about the perverted love-triangle we've got going here?" Sirius asks, grinning wider than… something that grins widely.

I just roll my eyes, "Oh, it's a kick, I'm planning to add Griffiths into the equation though. You know, make it a love-square!"

I.H.G.B.A.A.D.W.B… okay, fine, Gabby, shrieks with shock and actually pulls away from Potter for a second. "OHMYGOSH! Like, really? I knew that there was something going on with you and Griffiths! How megarly hot is he? And so mysterious! Has anyone figured out what he's the heir of yet? I bet it's something really glamorous!"

Did she even take a breath there? No wonder she and James have been down for ten minutes! The girl doesn't even breath!! And was that even the end of a sentence? She just left it hanging there… why is she Head Girl? What Dumbledore on? Happy pills? No, wait, demented pills! No, wait, something even more disturbing and weird for a man of his age!

I settle for a subtle non-committal answer. "Megarly isn't a word."

Carly snorts from next to me and I feel that old bond… pity she… you know… betrayed me. Pity I'm so dramatic too.

"Isn't it? Weird! Anyway, what is going on between you and him? I mean, you guys are always together–"

"Yeah, like right now." Potter chuckles quietly to himself… no, more like sniggers.

"– and he's always asking if we've seen you, and he TOTALLY checks you out whenever he gets the chance!"

Sirius perks up, though in my opinion he was too perked in the first place, "Yeah Lils! What's up with you and Griffiths?!"

I groan quietly, why can't these people get a life? "Why can't you people get a life? I dated him, I dumped his arse, and now I'm sitting here trying to do my homework! End of story!"

"Wow, bitter much?" Gabby snickers into Potter's neck.

BITTER? Oh, boy, I'll show her bitter!! I notice that Carly shifts uneasily away from me: like she thinks I'm going to explode.

"Wow, vapid whore much?"

Gabby makes a shocked noise, and looks expectantly at the blokes at our table, probably expecting them to leap up in her defence. Sirius shrugs and turns his attention to Carly, and James just smothers a laugh.

Weird, I was expecting him to try to shift the spotlight to himself. How strange.

Gabby leaps up off of James and stands beside my chair, "Something you wanna say, Evans?"

I turn to her, annoyed that she is disrupting my work, but glad to have an excuse to snap at her. "I'm fairly certain I just said it!"

I look past her to see Griffiths walk into the room, and I'm disgusted to say that my heart jumps slightly. I probably know why, but I really don't wanna think about it.

"You're just jealous!" she smirks triumphantly at me, like this is some sort of revelation.

I stare at Griffiths Head Boy badge, and then I stare at her Head Girl badge. Why do I feel less worthy just because they have a pair of stupid badges? Duh, of course I'm jealous!

"Of course I'm jealous!! You're Head Girl, and you did absolutely nothing to deserve it! You just strut around with this amazing symbol attached to you, and you don't even care! Of course I'm JEALOUS!"

Griffiths comes closer and puts a hand on my back, "Come on Evans; don't bother. You can come sit with _us_ if you want."

Now I'm sorry, but did he just put some extra oomph, into the word 'us'. What's wrong with sitting where I am now? Granted, I hate all of them, and they're all annoying… but who's to say that Griffiths friends are better? They're all ponces with absolutely no sense of humour, why would I want to concentrate during a study period? And how dare he be so frigging patronizing? And handsome, it's indecent that one guy can look tha-

Oh fuck no, you're kidding me.

I have a crush on my ex. I have a crush on the Head Boy. I have a crush on someone who is the hottest topic in this stupid school. I have a crush on someone who's parents are so big time, that walking near him puts a dangerous spotlight on you.

What am I? Deficient?! After last summer you'd think I'd learn not to be stupid, but NO! Clearly I have learnt nothing.

Oh shit, I've been standing here reasoning with myself for too long, everyone's staring at me with fear. Carly seems to get it, but Gabby seems to think she's somehow won.

"Well, if everyone's done yelling now, maybe we should keep the noise down. You, see, as Head Girl it's my _responsibility_ to make sure everything runs well in this school."

She smiles victoriously at me, winks at Griffiths, and sits back down on James's lap.

Whatever, stupid whore.

Wow, I'm swearing much worse than usual.

I give Griffiths a slightly blushing nod and sit back down at my table. Just at that moment Professor Slughorn comes in and we all resume our work. Anything but have to talk to that weirdo.

This is driving me insane! Grrrr!! I can't sleep, metaphorically, can't eat, metaphorically, can't do anything but think about Griffiths, once again not quite literally.

It's not like he's that great, I mean, I broke up with him for a reason! Granted I don't really remember what it was, but there was one!

Dammit, now even my potato salad doesn't taste quite right. I have to push it away, I can't seem to drum up an appetite for cold potatoes.

Oh great, and now Carly has noticed that I'm not eating and she's staring at me. Maybe if I accuse her of being in love with me in front of everyone, she'll quit it.

Or maybe I could just bitch slap her.

Oh crap, she's moved to sit next to me, clearly she hasn't quite given up the mantle of caring friend yet.

"Lily, why haven't you been eating?"

I clench my jaw slightly: I hate meddlers. "Because I've decided that it's wrong to raise living things just so we can eat them. I'm rescuing the vegetables, starting with potatoes." I sort of, jump out of my chair, thrusting my plate in the air. "FREEDOM FOREVER!!!"

Most of the Hall laughs, while Carly just taps her fingers impatiently. Apparently _she's_ not part of the movement.

"Lily, can you tell me why you keep staring at Griffiths?"

I snap my head back to her: I'd forgotten how smart she is when it comes to reading people. Why won't she just leave me alone?

I look over at Griffiths again, just in time to see Gabby sit down on his lap, and snog him.

Just in time.

That stupid bitch.

What about James? I look over at him and he looks… well, not pissed, and definitely not heartbroken, just sort of uninterested. Why can't he be unhappy about this? Cause Lord knows I don't have the right to complain.

Fuck. My eyes are watering, not cause I'm crying, it's those fricken onions! Damn you onions, damn you, damn onions, damn stupid onions, making me look like I'm crying, damn onions, I hate onions, I hate them, damn onions, damn Griffiths, making me want to cry, damn him, I hate him, I hate her… how could I be so stupid? Falling for your ex, could I get anymore sadomasochistic?

Everyone's wolf-whistling them, and he's… God, he's deepening the kiss. Public decency people! Has no one heard of this? How is this school going to get through this year when the Head Girl and Boy are snogging idiots?

Carly grabs hold of my arm and drags me out of the hall. From the looks on everyone's faces they just think we're off to fight about something, again, so nobody notices.

"Let me go, Merlin Carly, are you PMS-ing or something?"

Carly sighs and forces me to sit down in the middle of one of the switching staircases. "Yes, but that's beside the point."

"I'm sorry and what was the point of this whole thing? To drag me around, until you get tired?"

Carly sighs again and sits down next to me, "I know you think I'm Public Enemy #1, but contrary to popular belief I don't want you hurt. I saw you were upset, so I got you out of there."

It's my turn to sigh, and then start to tremble slightly, I don't want to talk to her particularly, but she appears to be he best option. "I feel like such a fool. I broke up with the best guy I know, and I don't even remember why! And now just when I start liking him again, he starts snogging that whore of a Head Girl we have! I am so… disappointed with myself for being this stupid."

She shakes her head slightly, "Only you could manage to forget that sort of stuff. Griffiths was being an arsehole to you. He was ordering you around, treating you like a child. How can you not remember?"

It's coming back to me, slowly, faintly.

"One time he even told you what to eat for dinner, said you were getting fat."

Oh yeah, I remember that, why that smug bastard!! Except this doesn't feel much better, now instead of just liking an ex, I've re-developed a crush on an arsehole!

"That doesn't make me feel much better, I'm just in love with an arsehole. What was I thinking?"

Carly grinned, a sad tinge developing on her face as she ran her hand along the step next to her. "Love is a piano dropped from a four story building, you were at the wrong place at the wrong time."

I grin as well, what a precise description! But it fades as I look closer at her and realize she's thinking as much about her predicament as she is mine.

"So you love him then."

She blinks, like she's somehow shocked that I would pick it up. "Yeah... Shit, what can I say, Cyp? It was horrible! There I was talking to Sirius Black of all people! And I liked it! My best friend's ultimate enemy was making me laugh, making me care, and all I could think about was whether or not he actually meant it. And then you found out, and you wouldn't speak to me, not that I could explain anyway, and then–"

Jesus, is she still talking? Is she ever going to stop? I get it already, why can't she just stop talking or something, it would so much simpler. Oh right, maybe I should actually say something.

"Stop talking Carly, for Gods sakes, you're giving me a headache!"

She stops, finally, and smiles sheepishly. "Cyp–"

"No talking!"

"But, Cyp–"

"NO!!! No talking whatsoever! I need to say something"

"Listen to me–"

"No, you're giving me a splitter here! Let me just say this!"

"GODDAMMIT, CYP–"

"I'M SORRY!"

"I'M SORRY!"

Of course, that's when we pack up laughing and go back into the Great Hall. With Carly back, maybe, juts maybe, the Heir of Hell won't matter so much anymore.

Oh, and maybe pigs will fly.

Holy crap, did you just see that?

* * *

_Sigh, another chapter, sorry it took me so long! Anyway, give me some comments if you want! Or, you know, don't, sob! Anyway, I've gotta go dream up the next chapter now, bysie!_

**Next Time of Muggle Studies Quotes:**

"_They're dead, they're all just… dead."_

"_Mr Potter, Miss Evans, there's a reason why I chose not to make you this year's Head Boy and Girl."_


	5. Friedrich Nietzsche

Muggle Studies Quotes5

_Author:_ emptyfirefly

_Summary:_ "Let us hope that we are all preceded in this world by a love story" – Don Snyder. Lily and James aren't suited, Lily and James don't work, but it is Lily and James that match, muggle quote by muggle quote.

_Rating:_ Really, the rating could be argued, but at the end of the day it's PG13 if you're comfortable with swearing and violence, M if you're not. Figure it out yourself!

_Warnings:_ Well, there'll be violence of a sorts, swearing of a lots and I mean seriously she starts swearing a lot more this chapter, fluffy love… meh, I'm not offended! Why are you?

_Pairings:_ Well, Lily/James, Sirius/OC, as far as I'm concerned Peter doesn't get a girlfriend… well maybe one… where was I?

_Disclaimer:_ Honestly, I claim absolutely no ownership over any of the non-original characters, basis of this story, nor anything affiliated with anything that couldn't possibly belong to me. I am a fan, an avid fan, but a fan nonetheless, and I have no reasoning that suggests otherwise. Coincidentally, touch Gabby, a.k.a. I.H.G.B.A.A.D.W.B, and I will be very put out.

_Squee! I'm writing another one! How exciting! Thank you so much to everyone that reviewed, I almost feel wanted! And believe me, it doesn't take much to produce that feeling, believe you me… or is it believe me you… or… ehm… darn it, whatever. Anyway, so the story of grease and fear continues, I'm sorry if you're getting impatient for Lily and James, talk-age, but I'm warming up to it, it's not as easy as I would like._

Chapter Five. Friedrich Nietzsche

"_There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."_

Sigh, Monday morning, in my opinion possibly the worst time of the day. Why? Well, the guys are bubbling with energy and stupidity, the girls are giggling and getting ready to fight over one of the bubbling guys, and I'm trying desperately to figure out what the HELL is going on!

I mean, I suppose I could be in a worse situation. I mean, I could be dead, or dying, or dead AND dying! Or captured! Or I could be an actress in a soap opera! Or I could've actually gotten around to reading the letter from Petunia I got a couple of weeks ago!

Hmm… actually, yes, my situation is looking much better now. Although I really should probably read that letter, it may house something important. After all, Petty could be… like, I dunno, pregnant or something!

Okay, maybe not.

Well, now that I have everything in perspective… something horrible is about to happen!!

You don't know what's about to happen? Let me fill you in…

DUMBLEDORE HAS ASKED TO SPEAK WITH ME AND JAMES!!!!

What the Hell? What could he possibly have to say that would include the both of us? Jeeze, my life's stressful enough as it is; even if you ignore the melodrama that always comes with being a teenager! What is he thinking?

And it was so random too! One second I'm sitting for dinner last night, growling slightly because James is back into the "Annoy Lily" Mode, while I can sense Griffiths and Bitch Whore of Hell are eating each other, instead of food like normal people… the next Dumbledore is standing behind me requesting to speak with me and Potter this morning in his office!

I swear I didn't do anything this time! Although, there was a slight problem at the Hufflepuff table the other day; they were trying to branch out the FREEDOM FOREVER for vegetables movement, things were starting to get messy for a while there.

Anyway, so now I'm nervous, and I don't even know why I'm in trouble! Grr, arg!

Plus James doesn't know either: I know because he asked me, at just about the same moment as I asked him, I might add!

If this was last year, we would probably be up because we had another screaming match and he wanted us to set a better example for the other students. Hmm, weird, we haven't had one of those in ages!!

Hmm? What? Okay, I just got the nod from Slughorn, so has James, must be time to go on up.

"So."

"So." I glance over at James and can see he's as uncomfortable as I am. We haven't really been alone together since that… well, that time last year.

"I see Griffiths has managed to do the dumb thing, yet again."

Okay, well that was the worst conversation starter ever!

"Is that an insinuation that dating me was also a dumb thing to do?" I'm not really all that offended, but we've played this game long enough that I know my part without a thought.

"That's not what I meant, you know that's not what I meant!" he starts muttering to himself like a crazy person, "The dumb thing was letting you go."

Honestly, is it so hard for everyone to believe that I broke up with him?

"He didn't 'let me go'! I broke up with him!"

We turn another corner and I stroke the wall consolingly, I can't really imagine not being here next year.

"Same difference." James sneers; clearly he's not a big fan of Griffiths.

I just roll my eyes. If that's the way he wants to play it then I have one or two jabs I would like to administer!

"It's not like he's the only one to 'let me go', as you put it!"

Having chosen not to look at James, I can't see his reaction, but I can feel him struggle with anger. He clenches and unclenches his hands into fists, and more than once he shakes his head with frustration. I would find his horse-like movements, which are pretty hilarious, were it not for my fear of the incoming backlash. Really, I guess I shouldn't have said that, maybe it was a bit cruel, but hey!

Luckily, it would appear, I can see Severus Snape up ahead of us. Snape and I have this weird thing; in theory we should absolutely hate each other, we're opposites in so many ways, but we have this respect thing going on. I guess it's partly because we're both potions geeks, he has the 4th bets marks in our year, in times past we both hated James as much as the other, plus since our Fourth year when we had to do a project together we've found that our temperaments work well together.

However next to me I can feel Potter stiffen up even more.

"Hey Severus." He doesn't like it when I use his first name in front of Slytherins, but here it seems safe enough.

"Lily… _Potter._" His voice depends with disgust, James' does that too at times, just for a point of interest.

James just smirks, "Well, I always liked the sound of that too."

We slow to a stop facing each other as I scowl.

"Ow! Calm doesn Cyp, it was a joke! Quit slapping… ow! My head! OW!"

Severus blinks once, slowly, a sign that he's already bored.

"Ahem, sorry about that… Dumbledore asked to see us about something."

"Really?" he actually looks interested, staring close at us both, like staring closer will somehow reveal all of our secrets.

"Really, really."

Severus gazes at me with concern, "Is this about what happened this–"

I have to interrupt him before he can say something stupid. Honestly, boys are such blabbermouths!

"I dunno, I doubt it is though."

James is staring at me as well, but I just ignore his unspoken query.

"I must go."

With that Severus walks away, his robes billowing behind him comically. It's pretty cool, even when he's out of spirits he manages to find a way to keep our running "bat jokes" going.

I chuckle lightly and start waking again. James stands behind me confused, for a minute, but far too quickly decides to catch up.

"So… what happened when?"

Holy mother of Merlin! Just drop it!

"Just drop it! Please James."

"James…?"

Oh dear, I guess I haven't actually called him James aloud before, or at least not in a long while. Actually, when did I start calling him James in my head anyway? Jesus, I guess I've really opened a jar of Basilisks! Oh well, I guess there's only one way to make it through this sort of moment.

"No, actually, _I'm_ Lily, _you're_ James."

"You called ME James!" He's grinning his head off, and I will admit that it's infectious.

"Yeah, I noticed too."

James keeps grinning to himself, but for now he drops the subject… well, both of them.

Finally we come up to the Gargoyles outside the Headmaster's office, honestly why is that walk so long, but before anything can happen James clasps my shoulder.

What the?

"James what are–"

He steps up close to me, like chest-to-chest, if you will… oh MERLIN! He isn't gonna rape me is he?!

Calm down Lily, calm down, this is James, he's not _that_ perverted.

"Lily," he practically breathes out my name, I can assure you that even I am aware of how sexy that is, "I just want you to know… I didn't let you go, and I never will let you go."

Uhm. Huh, that's… different from what I was expecting. Where's this coming from? Why is he telling me this? What does he want from me? Guys _always_ want something.

"James…"

"I know you asked me to step back that day, and I have. But I thought you should know that I wouldn't just let you go like he did."

I feel… sort of fuzzy.

At the back of my mind I know that when he says 'like he did', he means Griffiths. But it's like everything's being blocked out. All I can hear are his words, repeating themselves in my head, and it's like his hazel eyes are expanding until they're all I can see.

CREAK

Holy crap!

I startle away from him to see that the door to Dumbledore's Office has finally appeared.

We start to trudge up them, I carefully avoid his gaze once more, but I can feel him watching me.

"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." I hear James mutter to himself. What the? What is it with this school and random quotes? It's so weird…

Coincidentally, is anyone else here really confused?

I mean, James has been pretty much a non-issue this past year. Granted he annoyed me constantly for five straight years, and then in 6th Year there was that Shakespeare quote thing… oh and that HUGE Hogsmeade thing, but this is totally out of the blue! I mean… grargh! So frigging… confusing!!

Did he mean what he said?

We finally step into Dumbledore's office, and I've gotta admit that I love it! I did ever since the first time I got called up after an "accident" during Transfig. with Bellatrix Black. Fun times, fun times. It's just so interesting! There's all this stuff happening all the time, whirring, turning, blinking, in the case Fawkes, squawking, there's always something to pay attention to. It's bloody brilliant!

Dumbledore is sitting there, quietly petting Fawkes, as James and I sit down, shifting uncertainly. He pulls his hand away and the B.O.D. (Bird Of Doom!) casually flies over to his perch. Dumbly leans forward to stare at us, and we stare back.

"Miss Evans, and Mr Potter. Very good of you both to come so promptly!" His blue eyes twinkle, and I get the sneaking suspicion that he knows every conversation that we had from the Greta Hall to here.

"Naturally sir!" James smirks from beside me, reaching towards to desk to get a sherbet lemon. How does he always manage that? He's always so comfortable no matter where he is. It's so disconcerting!

"Yes, yes, of course. Miss Evans, would you also like a sherbet lemon?"

I grin, but shake my head, "Sorry Prof, they're not really my style. Petunia spent most of my childhood teasing me with them, by now the problem has caused great psychological damage."

James lets out a bar of laughter, nearly choking on afore mentioned lolly of doom, while Dumbledore smiles, the eye twinkle increasing.

"Well then, that leaves nothing to discuss, but why I asked you two to my office this morning."

Gods what a relief! I really hate small talk with teachers, especially when they've called upon you for a specific reason. Dumbledore has more style than most; but I would still rather get down to business.

Don't even get me started on Slughorn. Meant to be in Slytherin, my arse!

Shudder

Dumbledore leans even more forward onto his desk and looks at us both firmly in the eye… which considering that we're sitting pretty far apart must be quite difficult. "I suspect you want to know _why_ I didn't make you Head Boy and Girl this year."

Hmm… let me think… duh!! Why in the world want I _not_ Head Girl? Why would he choose that ditsy shit whore, like Gabby, be chosen over me? All I ever wanted was to be friggin Head Girl, from the first time I saw one yell at Sirius Black, I knew that that was who I wanted to be. Why would Dumbledore take that opportunity away from me? James is sitting very, very still next to me, I think he never imagined that he was ever going to be Head Boy anyway, so it probably seemed like a non-issue.

Dumbledore sighs and stands up, gazing outside his office window. "The hardest decision I have to make each year is who to be our school's Head students. It often happens that we must compromise between who we want and who the Board and parents want. And who it is officially 'wise' to induct."

Why do I get the feeling that my blood was an issue?

"I'm sure you have noticed, as much as I and others have, that our choices for Head students this year were not as wise as they had originally appeared. I do not plan to slander you fellow students–"

"Oh please sir, there is no need to hold back on our account!"

"–Be that as it may, Mr Potter, it will do us little good. Allow me only to say that Mr Griffiths and Miss Zootin have not been the leaders this school needs in these troubled times. But I get ahead of myself. Mr Potter, Miss Evans, there's a reason why I chose not to make you this year's Head Boy and Girl. In fact, there were many reasons why I allowed other students to stand where you both rightfully belonged."

Damn straight 'rightfully belonged'!!

"The first, as much as I regret saying this, was the mater of blood, which was brought up immediately during the discussions."

A look of triumph overflows my features; but I can't help it. I was _so_ right!!

"The problem was not only your muggle ancestry Miss Evans, but also your lack of muggle ancestry Mr Potter. In dark days such as these it was reasoned unwise to have a muggle born and a purely wizard born as the students' voice. They wished for a pair of half bloods, holding the belief that a more balanced pair is what this school needs."

I snort quietly and Dumbledore smiles at me, having slowly made his way back to us, he is sitting behind his desk once more.

"The other problem I found was that you two yourselves have been the sources of some very interesting incidents, in particular this summer past. It was suggested that there would be a negative backlash against you both if after these events you were put into positions of power."

I knew it was going to be something like that! Not 'knew' in the sense of having any idea really, but I knew there would be far reaching consequences. James tilts his head and I can see his confusions clearly, I suppose he's yet to hear about my holidays. Although, I'm more curious about what his big deal is.

"That's pretty ridiculous, if you don't mind me saying so sir. It's not like we _caused_ anything to happen. Why should the school suffer because of some evil wank… waste of space?" James seems to have moved on from confusion, and is now embracing the feeling known as: self-righteous anger. I say: power to the people!!

"That it a very good question Mr Potter! The simplest answer would be that they were scared–"

"Who isn't?" I burst out. Holy crap! I so said that a loud didn't I? Dammit, my inner monologue seems to be acting up again. "Sorry Professor, continue."

His eyes continue to twinkle as ever, even though he takes my advice. "Yes, everyone is scared of the situation in our world currently, and key events such as what has happened to you Miss Evans," he nods slightly to me, "and you yourself Mr Potter, have not helped the situation. They want, in short, to forget anything that you have both experienced, and concentrate on the bright future the rest of your year will no doubt create."

Okay. I will admit that I sort of see where they're coming from. Man's ability to forget what they can't deal with is something that I have come into contact every holidays… coughPetuniacough… but, I have one little problem with the whole thing though.

"Professor? Why is it that us two are such a focus anyway? Heaps of people in this school have suffered, lost people, all that stuff, why are some of them still Prefects then?"

James nods once and turns his attention back to Dumbledore, who is smiling happily.

"I'm very glad you noticed that Miss Evans, I was wondering whether or not you had picked that up! To be frank, it is the simple matter that you two are the 'poster children' for the fight against Voldemort."

He. Said. His. Name! Okay, it's official; we have the coolest Headmaster on the planet! Wait… poster children?

"You are both what he disapproves of the most, and strives to destroy. You will notice that some losses recently have been caused by being lost in the crossfire, than working for or against any cause. So though some Prefects have lost some people, it hasn't been front-page news. In fact, the only exception has been the 6th year Prefect Emmeline Vance, and her family is far too old to have any bad news stick.

"Meanwhile, your story, Miss Evans, was broadcasted across the country as the most intriguing story in Wizarding history! And your story, Mr Potter, while not so widely circulated, is discussed constantly within tighter circles, as a sign of light out of these dark times.

"You are both considered to be the future of all that oppose Voldemort, and our society is not entirely comfortable with that prospect."

Ehm…. wow? Future, society, intriguing story, destroy? Holy cow, I am in way over my head here! I can't breath! And last summer wasn't that much of a big deal anyway. So, what the Hell is Potter's story?

"'Most intriguing story in Wizarding history'? What the Hell did you _do_ last summer _Lily_?"

"Not any of your business, _James_!"

The nerve! He's looking at me like I owe him an explanation or something, which I _so_ do not!

"Fine." He looks away, and it's obvious from his enunciation that it's anything but.

Oh crap, I'm gonna throw him a bone, I can tell! I'd been doing so well too! No one at school had connected the dots yet, but here I am about to do it for him. Goddamit!

"James, they're just dead, okay? They're all dead."

Bar Petunia, but that doesn't count, not according to her anyway.

"Look at the front page of the Daily Prophet from July the 7th, Mr Potter, and you'll find an interesting story."

Dumbledore is watching me closely, probably worried I'm gonna break down or something, which, frankly, isn't gonna be a problem here.

"The Surrey Massacre." James whispers quietly, looking at me with a touch of fear.

"Bingo."

_Halle-bloody-lujah! It's done! Another chapter. Guys, I'm sorry that it took so bloody long! I just got paused, and then school started, so I didn't have a spare second! But I'm here okay? I'm here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, didja like? Are you intrigued? Did I surprise you with, part of, Lily's secret? Do you forgive Dumbledore for not making them heads? Do you want to know what James's secret is?_

…_No?_

_Oh well, seeya soon!_


	6. Walter Anderson

Muggle Studies Quotes6

_Author:_ empty_firefly

_Summary:_ "Let us hope that we are all preceded in this world by a love story" – Don Snyder. Lily and James aren't suited, Lily and James don't work, but it is Lily and James that match, muggle quote by muggle quote.

_Rating:_ Really, the rating could be argued, but at the end of the day it's PG13 if you're comfortable with swearing and violence, M if you're not. Figure it out yourself!

_Warnings:_ Well, there'll be violence of a sorts, swearing of a lots, fluffy love… meh, I'm not offended! Why are you?

_Pairings:_ Well, Lily/James, Sirius/OC, as far as I'm concerned Peter doesn't get a girlfriend… well maybe one… where was I?

_Disclaimer:_ Can anyone say fanfiction website?

Chapter Six. Walter Anderson

"_We're never so vulnerable as when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy."_

And that was the end of that.

Okay, not really, there _was_ some more, but that was the big thing. Basically, Dumbledore concluded that while we deserved the positions we weren't about to get them, but he felt that we should know, James's secret remains a mystery, and he's taken to staring at me again… probably trying to suss out how many dead bodies I've seen.

Sorry, that was harsh. He's not my favourite, never will be, but he's not as horrible as he used to be. I know so many people that would broadcast what they knew around the school, but he's been surprisingly good about it. I never expected that from the guy who Christened Severus "Snivellus".

Am I still thinking about James? Right… So, moving on.

I think I'm officially over Griffiths, I mean, for one he's eating some bitch's face off every day or so, for another… I mean, he was given the Head Boy position, and he sucks!! I mean, you won't believe what I walked past the other day, and he just… just…. URGH!!!!! I mean, my God!! In fact….

_Flashback!!!!!_

_I was walking along with Griffiths whom I had accidentally run into, casual as anything… Okay, I was carrying some lollies under my jumper that I had stolen from TimTam… which I find pretty ironic. Anyway, so we were walking along when suddenly…_

"_Pick them up." I heard voices around the corner, and standing over a little first year, were Crabbe, Goyle and Malfoy! But not just any little first year, but a Hufflepuff; who was surrounded by dropped textbooks._

"_Didn't you hear me? Pick up the fucking textbooks mudblood!"_

_Okay, I'll admit I was seeing a little bit of red right then, so I turned to Griffiths, casually pulling my wand out. "You know; I find guys like that just so annoying. Don't you?"_

_He stared at me, then shook his head and quickly covered my mouth with his hand. As I silently shrieked with indignation, he stealthily dragged me away from the scene, ending up in a deserted hallway._

_Of course, it was then that he uncovered my mouth and I was once more at liberty to scream at him._

"_What the fuck?! Why did you drag me away like that?"_

_He groaned in frustration, sneering ever so slightly, "Come on Lily, surely you understand how all of this has to work! It's better to just walk away, anything we do could just cause a feud."_

"_A FEUD? Oh Heaven forbid, a feud between a Slytherin and a Gryffindoor?! How in the world could that be?! How dare you leave that poor first year to those… scum?! Are you Head Boy or not?"_

"_Interrupting would have only caused problems for me!"_

_I could tell that he was actually getting angry, because he was being less careful. Saying things that weren't quite smooth enough for his purposes._

"_Self-important much? You are the Head Boy; you owe him and the students of the school better than that! You are not infallible! You are not God! You are nothing but a little boy who was given responsibility he was way to immature for, and is now enjoying abusing the power… do you honestly think that we haven't noticed your short-comings? That Dumbledore hasn't noticed? Cause believe me; he certainly has!!"_

_His stony face suddenly heightened in colour and I felt a sort of pride that I could make even him angry beyond belief, enough to let something slip._

"_Shut your mouth, you ignorant mudlbood. I am far more than you can ever even hope to imagine!"_

_With that he stalked away, and I – shaking with a mixture of anger and surprise – went to sort out some Slytherins._

Didn't I tell you? Scum of the earth!! Honestly, it's impossible to understand teenage guys; they're always hiding layers of cruelty underneath their smiling facades. As to the sorting out Slytherins, well I'm sure you can imagine: rampage, carnage, detention for me. Well, mostly because of the stolen lollies which chose at a rather inopportune moment to spill out of my jumper.

On the other hand, I got myself a handy little follower out of the whole escapade.

"Miss Lily, is there anything else you would like?"

"Why, thank you Charles! As a matter of fact, I was wondering if you would grab the pepper shaker from the Hufflepuff table. This one seems to be all out!"

Ah my own personal slave. I thought it was rather excellent, however the incredulous stares from my friends and the like seemed to suggest they didn't feel the same way.

"Ugh, Cyp: when the Hell did you get your own personal waiter?" Blaze reached over for the pepper only to find that it was indeed rather empty.

See? It's like they just want me to be doing the wrong thing all the time! For all they knew I was actually his lord and master and they had no right to question me! Alternatively, maybe I was taking advantage of a young boy's crush.

"HEY! Get back here, that's OUR pepper shaker!!"

Charles came running back, dodging the potatoes thrown at his retreating back by overly angry Hufflepuffs. "There you go Miss Lily. Is there anything else you would like?"

World domination? Chocolate? Oooh, yeah, chocolate sounds good! I could however feel the pressure of stares bouncing off of my head, so I chose to be good. For now.

"No thank you Charles. Why don't you go have fun with your friends?"

And thus like a good little boy he did just that.

"Cyp? I asked you a question!"

Blaze seemed rather committed to solving this riddle, and going by the look on Remus's face he felt much the same way.

I smiled sweetly, "Well, it's a simple matter like this: our wonderful Head Boy chose not to do anything about the Slytherins hassling him the other day, and I did! So now he thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread! Is that really so hard to believe?"

Although, sliced bread is pretty impressive on the whole.

"Somehow, I still feel like maybe you slipped him a potion of some kind."

"Oooh, maybe a love potion: dipping into the youngins now Evans?" Despite Black's witty suggestion through his layers of bacon, I chose to ignore the lot of them.

I'd done the right thing, plus shown up the DickHead Boy. What more did I want out of life?

GONG GONG GONG

Right, perhaps to not have to go to class right now.

As I stood up to make my painful way to Potions, first thing in the morning hoorah, Carly chose to catch up with me.

"Carly, don't you have a boyfriend you should be snogging?" I giggled to myself, boy I really am hilarious.

"Yes, but alack McGonagall said she was going to kill him slowly if he didn't study this morning. Something about giving him a lesson he won't soon forget. Or something."

"Wow, do you think they might be having some kind of love affair?"

"It would explain his tendency to smell like cat piss."

Naturally, the serious expressions we were sporting sort of dissolved into giggles at that point.

Wiping a small tear from her eye however, Carly proceeded to some kind of point. "Lily, the thing is… okay now maybe this is just me, but has it seemed to you like TimTam has been a bit distant recently? As in, largely absent?"

Largely absent? I sent my scattered brain through the past few days. There did seem to be a big hole in the group where she should have been.

"Come on Carly, you know Tims, sometimes she just does that. Plus she hardly has any classes with us!" That's right, rationalise it away Lily, nothing bad is happening here.

She frowned to herself, and a touch at me as well, as we traced the familiar stone walkway. "That's what I've been telling myself. But, I don't know, this feels different. And even when she is around, she's been really distant. Remus says he sees her holed up in the library all the time."

"Maybe she's just gotten really bookwormy."

"Or maybe she's found something more interesting than us to learn about."

There was something in her voice, and her averted eyes that made me stop and drag her to the side of the passage. She carefully didn't look at me, fiddling with her bag strap instead. Could she really be saying what I thought she was?

"You're not… you don't really think… that she's…" My God, I was such a pansy I couldn't even say it.

"A Death Eater?" Carly's voice dropped to a whisper, "I don't know what I think. It's just, the withdrawing from friends, all this mysterious reading… it's all the signs of someone who's studying the Black Arts."

TimTam? My TimTam? No way! I mean, she was friends with ME for God's sake. Surely that's all the proof you could ever need of the contrary!

"Look, I'm not saying that I'm right. I'm not even saying that we talk to anyone about this. I just, thought maybe you could keep an eye on her. Maybe figure out what's going on."

Is this who we were becoming? I mean, really! Reaching a point where any shifts in behaviour meant that we automatically couldn't even trust our friends?

"Carly, I think you need to drop this."

She blinked in shock, once upon a time I might have leapt to conclusions in a conversation like this. Maybe I was actually growing up or something. "But, what if she's... you know?"

"But what if she's not? We have to give her the benefit of the doubt here, otherwise what kind of friends are we? We have to trust that she'll do the right thing."

"Come on, surely you're not that trusting?!" Her tone illustrated very clearly that she thought I was being naïve, but I honestly don't think I was.

"She's our friend. Look at it this way: 'We're never so vulnerable as when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.'"

Wow, how terribly insightful of me!

"Lily, are you still learning quotes for Muggle studies?" Carly was laughing quietly to herself, it would appear that the mere thought of me being serious about anything was enough to drive anyone into a fit of giggles.

I feel this is an unfair representation of my character.

"What of it?"

"Nothing, nothing. I'd better get to class."

And with another laugh at my expense she was gone as if we had never had the conversation in the first place. But as I made my way to class, I'll have to admit that our conversation weighed a great deal on my mind. I meant what I'd said: you have to trust your friends otherwise there's no point in friendship in the first place. But still, what if TimTam was making a horrible mistake? Something that could never be reversed?

* * *

To anyone who is actually still reading this story, I'm super sorry it's been so long, and that this chapter is so very very terrible. But I thin I am regaining some of my passion for this story, so you never know, it may actually end up getting finished or something crazy. So if you've stuck with me over these years, yes I think it has been years, thank you so very very much! Hopefully you won't regret it!

Question: does the writing feel a bit off? I think my style has changed, so if it has in a negative way please let me know and I'll do some reworking!

Lots and lots of love.

**Next Time on Muggle Studies Quotes: **(yes there will be a next time)

"Ever feel like the universe is designed to make us as miserable?"

"I have an idea: shut you fu--- why hello Professor!"


	7. Alice Roosevelt Longworth

_Author:_ empty_firefly

_Summary:_ "Let us hope that we are all preceded in this world by a love story" – Don Snyder. Lily and James aren't suited, Lily and James don't work, but it is Lily and James that match, muggle quote by muggle quote.

_Rating:_ Really, the rating could be argued, but at the end of the day it's PG13 if you're comfortable with swearing and violence, M if you're not. Figure it out yourself!

_Warnings:_ Well, there'll be violence of a sorts, swearing of a lots, fluffy love… meh, I'm not offended! Why are you?

_Pairings:_ Well, Lily/James, Sirius/OC, as far as I'm concerned Peter doesn't get a girlfriend… well maybe one… where was I?

_ Disclaimer:_ I have an idea, when you think I'm legally in the wrong, let me know!

* * *

Chapter Seven. Alice Roosevelt Longworth

_I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches._

I'd like to point something out: the second that you decide you want absolutely nothing to do with some jerk, that's the very second they decide you are the number one person to annoy.

I mean, the most obvious example here would be James, but now we have another name to add to the list: Griffiths. It's like when a guy finally notices that you detest them their ego is so battered that they have to spend as much time as possible bothering you. I mean, bloody Hell!

So, for those of you that understand the deranged ramblings of a homicidal maniac, you may have realised that Griffiths has decided to make friends once more. And if possible I think he might actually be more annoying than James. Partially because I'm so bitter and twisted about his sucking face partners that I've turned into a woman scorned.

Sigh, where's a good castration spell when you want one.

It took me about two days with his new attitude to crack under the pressure. In the middle of Transfiguration. By dropping my head on the table and banging my forehead until it felt better.

"Lily, my dear heart, I don't think McGonagall is going to appreciate you damaging her desk in that manner." Sirius' dulcet tones made their way into my ear as I refused to stop. And yes, he had decided to partner with me in Transfig, presumably because he likes to see me whimper to myself.

"Ever feel like the universe is designed to make us miserable?"

I felt a small pat on the head, "Well sure, we're teenagers, if we weren't miserable all the time we'd never be happy!"

How very comforting, not.

Actually, Sirius was annoying. Maybe he knew the right way to make someone else stop...

"Sirius... you're a pain in the arse, right?"

"That has been agreed upon, yes."

"Then you know how to make someone stop annoying you, right?"

"Nope."

Ah, there it goes, the slight spark of hope I had of somehow ending my pain. Dashed against the side of my desk. Clearly, there was only one thing left for me to do: run away and join a Polish circus.

I slumped even further down, with Sirius chuckling at my pained expression.

"Then how in the world am I going to make Griffiths leave me be?"

"That's easy! Start dating James!"

I sat up so quickly I nearly got whiplash. I also managed to kick my table with my toe.

"OW! You know what Sirius? I am so sick of that joke it isn't even funny anymore! I have an idea: why don't you shut the fu- why hello Professor!"

McGonagall's nostrils flare when she's angry.

* * *

"Black, this is completely your fault."

Do you know what I hate? Detention. Friday night. When I should be with my friends. But instead I'm cleaning trophies, with Sirius, being overseen by a disgruntled looking McGonagall. I didn't even think she oversaw detentions anymore.

"No talking Miss Evans."

"But Professor, this is completely unfair! Black was provoking me, otherwise I would not have dreamed of interrupting your class!"

Oh Gods, I am such a slimey suck-up.

"And yet, Miss Evans, I am unmoved. Perhaps if you did not attempt to sleep in my class Mr Black would not find you so tempting to provoke."

"Yeah Evans, stop being so tempting!"

Of course, anyone knows never to interrupt McGonagall when she's ripping apart a student. Except Black apparently. She rounded on him immediately.

"And you! Seven years of detentions have somehow failed to teach you to actually behave in class! I cannnot help but wonder if there is some internal damage that makes you incapable of behaving!"

I hold in a giggle as Black glares across the room at me. I smile sweetly and return to polishing the trophy.

"Now, you are both going to clean in here in silence until I believe you have learnt how to keep quiet for more than five minutes."

She walked over to the desk and sat down, pulling out a gigantic book to help her pass the time.

I returned to the amusing activity of poking my tongue at Black through the trophy reflection.

Seeing as I had no alternative, I also returned to the enjoyable past-time of fuming over stupid Griffiths and his stupid need for attention. Maturity thy name is Lily Evans.

Scary as it may seem we managed to keep quiet for three whole minutes. Probably right up until the point that Black was starting to lose his mind.

"Professor, why aren't you married?"

I groaned and began banging my head lightly against the cabinet. When were we going to get out of here?

"Mr Black! That is a highly inappropriate question!"

"Aah, married to the job then?"

"I will owl your mother if you say one more - oh what is it?"

I looked up, and instead of McGonagall roasting Sirius's testicles there is a scared First Year standing in the doorway. Apparently about to pee his pants.

"P... P... Prof... Professor... D... Dumble... d... d... dore... w... w... wants t... t... to see y... y... you..." The poor thing gasped for breath as he finally finished his sentence, looking about ready to faint.

"Of course my dear, thank you for telling me." Suddenly, she was her normal stern self, as opposed to the banshee of moments before.

She headed for the door, then stopped to fix us both with her worst glare, "You two are to stay quiet, and don't you dare leave before every trophy in this room is clean!"

With that she was gone.

As if he had been waiting to do it the entire time, Sirius ditched his cloth at the doorway. "Honestly, the way she acts, you'd think we were children!"

"Well, maybe if you stopped acting like such a child that wouldn't be a problem!"

"What are you saying?"

"Asking her why she isn't married? Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

Following his lead I put down the cloth and leant against the cabinet. He smiled and shrugged.

"What can I say? I live for danger."

There was a brief pause, then he groaned quietly. "Look, I'm sorry Lily. I didn't think you'd freak out so much at me mentioning James."

Honestly, what did he expect then? Me to dance the wedding waltz at the idea?

"Then why'd you say it? Usually it's just to piss me off."

Actually, I probably wouldn't have been so pissed if it weren't for the fact that James isn't such a jerk at the moment, so it's harder to deal with those sorts of comments. I dunno, how are you meant to react when you don't loath the guy?

"Well, mostly because I just think you two would be pretty great together."

"Except for the fighting, the different interests, the different priorities, the different levels of maturity... all that stuff?"

"That's what would make it so great: ying and yang!"

"Honestly, you're like a matchmaker! Do you just get up in the morning to fix everyone's day with your stupid ideas?"

He smirked proudly, lacing his fingers casually behind his head. "What can it say? I have a simple philosophy: fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches."

"You're an idiot."

Without further ado I went back to cleaning to trophies. How else was I going to get away from such stupid company.

Oh dear, I just realised. Sirius is a friend... and I don't hate James. This does not bode well for our heroine.

* * *

Once again, it took me forever. But I'm finding my way back. I have a dream that one day I'll finish this story. But I guess we'll just have to see about that...

As always, super sorry guys!

**Next Time on Muggle Studies Quotes:**

"All I know is that he's a liar and a cheat, and if I were you I wouldn't believe a word he says."

"I'd like you to go to Hogsmeade with me."


End file.
